Friday Afternoon Smackdown

I totally got in a fight this afternoon. And I totally did not start it.

Ok, so here's the premise. Ever since Michael took those stunning macro photos of His Frogness Prince Gilbert, I've been fascinated with taking close-up shots of living beings, especially insects. They're just beautiful.

I can't really explain this strange new obsession, but lately I've been prowling around outside looking for interesting insects to photograph, of which we have many. I won't post my pics all at once, because you might bug out. But I will have some to share with you.

Anyway, for the most part, the objects of my obsession are oblivious toward my amateur photography sessions, which is good. But they are often on the move, so it's sometimes very hard to get a good shot.

One such fella I'd been trying to photograph for a few days proved to be just such a challenge. I have no idea what the proper names of these insects are, but of course I give them their own names. So this guy is Scrappy Mac "Goldenbutt" Jones, and he's been hanging around my patio for quite some time.

Yesterday, I caught him napping in the sun, but when I got out the camera and got up close and personal, he took off. Totally chose "flight" over fight.

But today I saw him again. And today, he was ready for a fight.

Here is a close-up of Mr. Goldenbutt.

You can see how beautiful his butt is. Well of course it is, it's made of gold.

So, very annoyed with my camera being in such close proximity, he whipped around and totally confronted me.

And he was all, "What are you looking at, lady?" (He totally had a Jersey accent.)

And then he was all, "Put 'em up, put 'em up," and began doing some bizarre pre-fight dance, getting all up on his hind legs, then prancing back and forth, presumably to psyche himself out, since we're clearly in different weight divisions.


And I was all, "Oh excuse me, Mr. Goldenbutt, I just wanted a close up shot of the cool horns on your back." (Trying to intimidate him with my sarcasm).

And then he's all, "BACK OFF WOMAN, OR ELSE."

And I'm all, "Or else what, tough guy?" He's not the only one who's scrappy. And then,

... suddenly, he was not in my viewfinder anymore. And I'm all, "Ha, I showed you, tiny insolent creature."

And then he was all "BAM" and totally jumped me.

That's when I finally screamed and dropped the camera.

Then he's all, "Yeah, that's what I thought."

And he proudly strutted away.


Anyway, that was my Friday Afternoon Smackdown. Thought you might enjoy the play-by-play.

"Things I learned living in Texas"

Well, we haven't lived here long enough to learn it all, but some of these are sure familiar. This is one of those beloved email forwards. So I was feeling particularly mischievous this morning and thought I would commit what could be considered the ultimate online sin ... POSTING an EMAIL FORWARD on my blog. Is this even allowed? Certainly this isn't worse than forwarding to everyone in your address book? (Which, by the way, I have never done, but I have sent a few things to a few people when appropriate).

No, I guess this is not worse. YOU came HERE.

Anyway, give me a few years and I'll make a list of my own. And then I'll forward it to you.

"Things I learned living in Texas"

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
   
   
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.
   
   
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas , plus a couple no one's seen before.
   
   
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
   
   
5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.
   
   
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
   
   
7. "Jaw-P?" means "Did ya'll go to the bathroom?"
   
   
8. People actually grow and eat okra.
   
   
9. "fixinto" is one word.
   
   
10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.
    
    
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two & we do like a little tea with our sugar.
    
    
12. Backwards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
    
    
13. The word "jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?".
    
    
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
    
    
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH ʽEM.
    
    
16. "No. Jew?" is a common response to the question "Did you bring any beer?"
    
    
17. You measure distance in minutes.
    
    
18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
    
    
19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
    
    
20. You know what a "DAWG" is.
    
    
21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car.
    
    
22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.
    
    
23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and high school football.
    
    
24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
    
    
25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a bit warm".
    
    
26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
    
    
27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time know as "goin' Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally World".
    
    
28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.
    
    
29. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
    
    
30. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.
    
    
31. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from Texas.

There really is something in the water

This morning, Michael went outside to water our miniature herb garden. When he tipped the can, nothing came out. "Hmmm, this is strange," he thought, knowing there was water inside.

He tipped the can a little further, and what do you know, we found a new little backyard buddy!

Bear found out his name is Sir Gilbert Eugene Rohan III, the Frog Prince of Elgin. He kindly posed for some photos, but he was kind of snooty about the whole thing.

He was just a little too portly to fit through the hole, so even though Bear begged us to keep him, we gently released His Majesty Prince Gilbert, and bid him adieu with a bow and a curtsey. Good morrow and farewell, Your Royal Frogness.

Separated at Birth

... I'm just saying ... if Archie let his brows go wild ...

Maybe he should have performed this song to win, a true classic!

And since I'm now watching retro Sesame Street videos online instead of working, I thought you might appreciate the following gem as well. Ah, who could forget John-John? (If you were born in the late 70's...)




00:15 "Why you lost your paper cwips?" ...

00:47 "You angwy?"

Not after watching this clip :)

Community Watering Hole

Looks like Bear's pool is the talk of the town 'round here ... Until we get our fencing in, I guess we can expect regular visitors! Can you charge a dog admission?

Living in a Gecko's Paradise

While eating outside during our lunch break this afternoon we suddenly heard a small voice speaking in a working-class British accent. You can imagine our surprise when we noticed the Geico Gecko watching us eat. He told us 15 minutes could save us 15% or more on our car insurance. Who knew?

Turns out he's taken up residence in a new palm tree we had sitting out on the deck. Check out photos from the paparazzi photo shoot that followed our introduction. It's not often you have a celebrity reptile in your own backyard!

Ok, ok, maybe he's just a green lizard, I'm not actually sure. But anyway, Bear named him Leroy and we already like him much better than Bear's last new friend.

Familial Update

Anna is getting better and will hopefully be released from the hospital tomorrow. She is suffering from a host of very serious infections, and has been ill for quite some time (as in years) but we are hopeful for some answers soon and maybe permanent recovery (is that even a real phrase? I'm not familiar ...).

As sadly ironic as it is, my other sister is suffering greatly right now as well, and has been, though you might not know as we chronically challenged individuals are very good at disguising things. She is undergoing serious testing and is so far baffling her doctors. Please pray/think of her well-being as well.

My entire family is like one ongoing episode of House, only with no commercial interruption. If you would like to sponsor our show, we currently have a few slots available during prime time.

Prayers Please

My little sis' is in the hospital, she is very sick. For anyone who may have stopped by today, I ask for your prayers for her. And if prayer is not your thing, please send her your warm thoughts and healing wishes. Thank you.

To Kill a Mocking Bird

Internet, we have a problem. You see, there is this bird. And he is mocking us. Taunting us. Daily. Constantly. Without ceasing. Am I making myself clear?

Actually, there have been two birds. For whom the phrase "bird brain" was certainly invented. When we first moved into this house, a red cardinal made himself our most unwelcome one-bird welcoming committee. He became obsessed with his reflection in our front window, and began hurling himself at it over and over. We read about this phenomenon online, and decided to try a few ideas to solve the problem.

First, we cut out a picture of an owl and placed it in the window. They are supposed to be intimidated by owls as they are considered a predator. Our own Mocking Birds, however, appear to love the life of danger.

You have to understand this problem is worse than it might seem, which would explain why we quickly developed some violent tendencies. See, our next tactic in trying to dissuade the dang bird was developing what we like to call the "torture strip of death". Michael cut out a strip of cardboard in the shape of the window ledge, and poked about 100 4" long nails through it --- thus turning the simple ledge into the now patented Torture Strip of Death. It worked! Not having a place to stand, the red cardinal never returned (he didn't die, though, as far as we know, which is good - we really aren't morbid, we just wanted to consider him dead to us, you know, like we could pretend we never knew him, even if we later met and accidentally made eye contact in public).

Our triumph was short-lived, though, as soon, a long-legged blue bird took his place. He couldn't care less about the pokey perch, as he was tall enough to just stand between the nails while resting in between short kamikaze flights.

We simply can't get him to go away. Even though Bear considers him a friend, he is very likely to send us right over the cuckoo's nest. Just listen to that little video over and over, and over and over, and at full volume (keeping in mind this is a day when he probably had taken some Prozac), and try to get some work done while you're at it. Do this daily, then repeat. I guarantee you after just five minutes, one eye will start twitching uncontrollably, you may notice some smoke coming out of your ears, and you will certainly be swearing a little under your breath, even if your vocabulary is usually as clean as a re-run on Nickelodeon. If he could at least keep a steady beat, I could make up a little tune to go along with it, or better yet - I could start practicing my secretly desired skill of beatboxing.

So what to do? We need help, Internet. We don't necessarily want to kill the little wackos, even though I do admit to stalking them with a BB gun for a week, until we decided that probably wasn't the best way to introduce ourselves to the neighbors, you know, becoming known as those "crazy young kids who hide behind the columns on their front patio exercising their right to bear arms in the middle of the day, occasionally aiming for their own front windows while smoke is streaming from their ears and profanities streaming from their mouths."

Hide your chil'ren, y'all.

Moreover, I realized that even if I were to succeed and send that Little Bugger over the rainbow, another winged creature would soon take his place, trying to prove it is a Wild Thing! And, in general, I LOVE the Wild Things! This is what makes me crazy! I love all the rest of the little birdies who live in our yard. Their chirping and singing makes us feel like we are in the tropics, or living in an animated Disney film. I will whistle a cheerful tune as I build them their own luxury pool and spa (and outdoor bath!) and stock it with well-fed wiggly worms. I will gladly sponsor their children's fundraisers, or host a summer camp for feathered friends in my backyard. Hey, I already got my mom across the street a very nice bird feeder for Mother's Day (with enough "gourmet" bird seed included to feed multiple winged creatures). So, since I am technically supporting many other birds in the neighborhood, this should make up for my ill-will toward the Mocking Birds at my window, right?

There must be a way for us to all get along. So, Internet, we are open to suggestion, and willing to engage in (mild) torture if that's what it takes, as we ourselves have now been tortured daily for weeks. Simply flipping the bird the bird just doesn't seem to be working.

Ok, got to (peck peck) stop (peck) writing (peck peck peck peck) now (pa peck pa peck peck) as he is (peckpeckpeckpeck) ... wait, what the (PECK) was I just saying (peckity peck PECK)?

Hello, Cuckoo's Nest?

Yes, RESERVATION FOR ONE, PLEASE.

Michael's Parents Visit the Texans

Yee-haw! Michael's parents came out to visit us last week. They are our first official house guests (besides my sis) and were the first to test out the new pool. From what I hear, "Chez Matthew" hotel, spa and resort gets two thumbs up!


So it's true, the Matthews survived their week-long stay in, gulp, Texas, and you know what? They didn't hate it! Sure, it's not California (we are very aware of that, thank you very much), but I think where we live now is nicer than they expected (and certainly has less tumbleweeds, cactus, hay farms and cowboys, y'all).

They arrived last Tuesday and we hung 'round the new pad here for a few days. We had lots of sun, but also lots of wind. Perfect weather for lounging, but not so much actual swimming. Although we all took a dip here and there. And watched Bear swim in his brand new pool.

Thursday night, my grandmother (mom's mom) arrived to spend some time with my parents. We had a Texas BBQ here in her honor. They took a trip to the Ladybird Wildflower Center in Austin; you can see their pics at my parents' gallery.

Friday, we took the 'rents down to the big city of Austin. We walked around some downtown parks, exposed them to Central Market, then had dinner at our favorite beachy restaurant - the Hula Hut. Turns out Friday night is quite the party scene out there, so of course, we fit right in!

On Saturday, we drove northwest to Uncle Jaime and Aunt Debbie (Mike's sister)'s house in Gatesville. We got to see cousins Sarah and Charity, Alexis (now 4 months old!) and Charity's boyfriend Robert.

More Texas BBQ, and of course good times with Tio y Tia. Baby Alexis is doing great, and just as cute as ever.

On Sunday, we got to video chat with Shawna and Baby Ayden back home in Cali. This was the first time Jaime & Debbie got to see the little sweetie - and I think Grammy & Grandpa (Colleen & Mike) were ecstatic to see him as well, as withdrawal symptoms had long overtaken them since their arrival!

Well, the week drew to a close on Monday as we drove through more hill country, and along Lake Travis back to Austin. We stopped for a bite to eat at The Oasis, which sits 400 feet above the lake. We didn't take any pictures though, shame on us.

Anyway, there is a quick update on our California visitors. We were so honored to have Michael's parents come and stay with us. Our home is all broken in now and we're getting the entertaining business down, so we are ready for YOU to come and visit whenever you like! See all y'all real soon!

Photos are at the gallery.